I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
