So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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