I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
