Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
