If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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