doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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