Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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