she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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