i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
