why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We have started to decorate penises.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
