It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
