I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
