The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize