I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
should my penis look like a turkey
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
