I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
