I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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