Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
