i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
