Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
