I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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