im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
