I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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