i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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