You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
