just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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