just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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