when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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