I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dear god my vagina.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
