I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
