Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
