You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
