when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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