Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you will always have a special place in my vag
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
