There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
