wake up i wanna do it froggy style
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
