I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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