I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
