Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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