Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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