she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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