Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
