if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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