Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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