I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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