hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
