You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
