I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We are all done wearing pants today
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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