I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
