bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
