Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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