Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
