Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
