I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
