he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
