apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
