Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize