If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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