I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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