I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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