You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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