I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
