addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
