You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
