He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize