The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
