Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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