Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
