So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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