Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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