Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
