dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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