Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
