sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
